You have indeed helped a bit …

Barbara

My experience is that people get negative about altruistic donation because they really do not understand it. Donating a kidney to someone is not new, it has been happening for over 20 years!! What is new (since 2006) is to be able to donate a kidney to someone we do not know. This is what gets people all het up, lol! I mean if you were wanting to donate a kidney to your mother/father, brother/sister, husband/wife … would people be so upset? Probably not. They just cannot get their head around the fact that some people are prepared to risk their life and health to give someone else a second chance at a good life. But hey … there are good people in this world!

Lets look at some statistics. Death from donating a kidney is put at 1:3000 – now that is all living kidney donors, not just altruistic. Noone in the UK has died fromn donating a kidney though. I wonder how people would react if you said you needed a hip replacement? I mean the death from having hip replaced is put at 1:1000 … much higher than donating a kidney, yet I doubt anyone would be so concerned.

With any operation there are risks, we cannot avoid that. Just like there are risks when we get behind the wheel of a car – which personally I call a dangerous weapon as it kills!! or when we cross the road. Look at the stats for road accidents, yet we willingly get behind the wheel and people would throw their hands up in horror at the thought of not being allowed to.

With donating a kidney there is risk of chest infection, wound infection and DVT’s. Certainly the risks are very low, but still there is the risk. The hospital take immense care with each operation and during recovery you are wired up to all sorts of monitors and checked on very regularly so anything that happens will be caught asap. In the UK there have been no deaths from donating a kidney. Some people have had infections afterwards which were then treated.

If donating a kidney presented a bad risk then they would not allow it. The risks are very low indeed.

You certainly do need someone around for when you get home after the operation. You really cannot be on your own and I am not sure they would allow the donation to go ahead unless they were absolutely sure you had someone at home for the first week at least. Or someone who would pop in regularly. You will not be able to lift many things, certainly wont be able to do most of the housework. Even just bending down to pick something up should be avoided. I had someone stay for the first week (and thoroughly enjoyed being spoiled. Milked it a bit also I have to say, lol). Then the second week onward my son was on hand for shopping and anything else as was a neighbour who cut my lawn for me and took out my bins etc. I was very careful. Last thing I wanted was to either burst open the stitches or have something happen which would also not be very good for the donor programme as a whole. So when the surgeon said to me don’t do this for 5 days or whatever, I doubled the time to be on the safe side. Having said that, after 2 weeks I felt fine doing normal non strenuous things and was driving again etc although I still felt a bit tired.

During the evaluation process I decided I would not tell anyone except for my son and ex husband who was my best friend. I told noone else at all. This was for two reasons. One I knew some family members and friends would be dead against me doing this and would pile on the pressure and make the whole thing unenjoyable for me (they would not have stopped me though). The last thing I wanted was to be surrounded by negative people. Also I felt it sounded a bit like I was blowing my trumpet i.e. Hey guess what I am doing …. I tried to think why would I tell anyone. A bit like would I tell anyone I donated money to a charity, no I wouldnt. For me it was not the thing I wanted to do. I never in the future wanted anyone throwing it in my face saying I donated for the pat on the back or to be center of attention or whatever. I was a bit paranoid about making sure I did everything for the right reasons. I did though find the whole experience lonely. I didnt feel I could really chat about it all to my son or ex. A best friend or another friend would have been good but they would have to have been on my side!! I would also have liked to have had another donor to talk to as I knew I would be “safe” but I didn’t.

So if you can find a friend to chat to that would be good as the whole process can be frustrating at times, maybe if you mentioned some of the things I have said it would help put your friends mind at rest? The main thing though is someone to look after you after the operation. That is a must really.

I set this blog up originally because I found it a very lonely and frustrating experience most of the time. Enjoyable also but it should not have been lonely or frustrating. I love chatting to potential donors and following them through the donation process and I am still in contact with people who have already donated. So I am always here for a chat (if you use the contact link at the top of this page, you can come directly to me instead of posting on this blog if you preferred).

As long as you are sure you really want to do this, then no one can stand in your way or put you off. Have a list of potential questions they could ask along with the answers. It is not worth falling out over though with friends, so you need to pick who you tell carefully. Maybe at work it will be better and you can find you can chat to people there easily and know you hve their support. Please feel free to ask me any question you like either via this blog or privately.

Hope I have helped a bit ….
Di
xxx

So far, I’ve mentioned my interest to one friend and she was very worried for my safety so I have decided not to discuss it with her again. The biggest problem for me to take the next step is the fact that I live alone but I am very used to being independent. I have a good circle of friends but my two children do not live locally and could not visit me daily to offer the support I may need.

One section of the DVD presentation specifically refers to discussing my potential donation with family, friends and work colleagues. I am a GP receptionist, so the last of these should not be a problem. I just wondered if you have any insights or advice to offer ?

Well done for donating and taking the time to “blog”.

Barbara

You take care now,
All the best
Di
x

How unselfish, how brave.

I recently signed up to the Donor Register and having read your blog I feel selfish, I have two kidneys and I require one. I hope one day I have your strength, your determination and your courage.

I have the utmost respect for what you have done, and I hope one day, despite my insane fear of needles, I can replicate your decision.

Steve.

I have some questions for you on your brother’s situation which perhaps are best to relay via email. Do you think you could contact me via the contact page (link top right of this page) letting me know your email so I can contact you direct? That is if you don’t mind? It will be morning that I get back to you.

Take care
Di
x

Can I ask what inspired you to put yourself forward to donate?

Thanks
Di
x

Thank you for the time it has taken to create this blog. I am currently undergoing tests to become an anonymous kidney donor. Your blog as been so helpful. I’m not quite finished reading it but wanted you to know how enlightening it has been. Thank you for becoming a donor!